It's very simple really....

I’m having difficulty with my studio work, simply because as always, I’m over-thinking and tying myself up in knots. Also, not for the first time, yesterday it was pointed out to me that I live in a Disney world. This is a world of sparkles and beauty and kindness and romance and love and happy ever afters. I constantly need reminding that most people do not share my world and in fact live in a place of black and white and simplicity and logic. Therefore, my studio work will now take a turn for the simpler and I’ll attempt to convey my thoughts to people who live in the real world- the majority.

Today two wonderful things happened to me. The first of these belonged perfectly in my fairytale world. A good friend phoned who will very soon be married. I don’t think I have ever heard anybody so openly and honestly exclaiming their happiness. She is in a perfect place in her life where all engulfing happiness overwhelms every minute of every day and all because she is about to marry her Prince Charming. Her elation made me cry and glow inside all at once, her infectious delight too, placing a big smile on my face. Knowing and witnessing that people you care about are well and happy is so very heart-warming. And for me, evidence of the happy-ever-after was also so very uplifting.

Later, I met somebody I’ll be working with for the next few months- a person who will very possibly teach me just as much as I will teach them. Meeting interesting, open people, who deal with more challenges than most on a daily basis and being so very inspired by how they live their lives, is such a wonderful thing.

We all have our special qualities that are essential parts of us. We are the way we are and our individual eccentricities are what makes us people who infect others with happiness and that delightful loving feeling. Certainly objects bring us joy and for me in my fairytale land, sunsets and sparkles completely enchant me, but it’s people that are special in our lives. Whether in the fairytale world or the black and white world, it’s other people and our engagement with them that brings us worthwhile experiences and happiness.

No over-thinking necessary here. It’s simple; we make each other happy*

In the end, it all comes down to will power.

Resigning yourself to the dark clouds or venturing underneath them for the white fluffy ones.

 

Researching the nature of emotions for my current ceramic project, I was enlightened to the fact that there are certain 'laws' which emotions carry. In other words, as humans, our minds think in certain ways and so various specific situations and events will affect people generally in much the same way, emotionally. And, the consequent actions resulting form this creation of certain emotions will also be similar as various things like logic are employed within us. It was reassuring to me that other humans may possibly react to things in a similar way to me and too, go through emotional elation and turmoil as the case may be. Of course there are always the exceptions to the rule but for the most part, humans are emotive creatures and have little control over how situations make them feel.
It is the coping mechanisms which I think perhaps present a greater variation from one human to the other. If a case of negative emotional turmoil should occur, some people successfully ignore, some people face the problem immediately and let go and some people employ the method of pretending that everything is ok and carrying on as normal, trying to ignore but in fact being incredibly aware of the crazy emotions and exacerbating them by trying to act as if everything is fine. Some things just have to be faced up to and that's that; otherwise the cycle continues and the events cause further emotions and in short, a mess and a half. Alot easier siad than done, but the good thing is that emotions are pretty replaceable so good situations are well capable of creating positive emotions. We just have to seek them out.*

A twinkling gold flash from the blue!

And then one day something happens completely unexpectedly and you have no idea how to feel about it, how to carry on from it, but you can't help thinking that it was meant to be. In many ways, we're masters of our own fate and we make conscious decisions. Have to just keep the hope that the future consequences will be as happy and wonderful as you absolutely wish they will be*

Fear and thrills and butterflies.

I love rollercoasters; the antcipation, the fear, the thrill, the increased heart rate, the jolt in your tummy as your body dips from horizontal to vertical in that split second before the fall. Skydiving, bungee jumps and all those other extreme sports that physically place your body in modes they wouldn't usually encounter have that incredible emotional state of anticipation preceeding them that transforms to sheer exhileration. There's a huge human attraction in engaging in activities that cause that feeling of absolute terror like going on a rollercoaster, or jumping off a bridge or watching a horror movie. It must be noted though, that there's a safety net surrounding all these activities which means the feeling is of fear but fear with the pretty steadfast assurance that nothing devestating will come of it. Rather than devestation, an intense thrill is the anticipated outcome.
Kids love swings and slides; the little person extreme sports. Not having been on a swing in a very long time, I myself recently rediscovered the thrill and joy that comes from two ropes, a plank of wood, a sturdy frame and well-efforted leg work. It's tame but wonderful and gets your heart beating just that little bit quicker and places a firm smile on your face. On a few other occasions lately I've been suddenly aware of my own heart beating inside me and felt that same smile on my face and there hasn't been a swing or rollercoaster in sight. Faces are made for smiling and hearts for beating and anything that makes them behave as they were intended is surely worth finding. There are always the obvious thrill seeker activities- sharks to be swam with, cliff faces to be scaled, but then there are all the other things waiting to be discovered that have the most incredible potential to be metaphorical rollercoasters and stimulate the same physical and emotional responses...we just have to find them!*

All the pretty flowers!

Decapitation.

Though I was only little, I distinctly remember sitting on the grass in the garden of my Nana's house and her elderly neighbour walking by and stopping at the gate for a chat. "Look at all the lovely dandelions", he said smilingly to me. "They're weeds", I informed him. "No", he said, "they're just flowers in the wrong place."
Today as I set about mowing the meadow that the front lawn had become after relentless rain and consequent growth spurts, I couldn't help feeling a little bit sad and even guilty. Buttercups and daisies and some delightfully delicate and pretty little blue and white flowers became mush in the grass box of the lawnmower, leaving nothing but green stalks that blended into the grass and giving no hint of what they used to be. In the sense that weeds are wild plants that grow where they're not wanted, the lawn had certainly been weed-infested. Because one is meant to eradicate weeds from flowerbeds and lawns, I mowed them; I chopped their pretty little heads off. Not before spending a few minutes happily lying amongst them with the dog in the sunshine though and whispering to them that they'd be far better off growing themselves out in the field. They'd only run the risk of being eaten by a horse out there and then I wouldn't feel like an executioner of the beautiful.*

Boundless self-expression

Mostly Belle just cares about where her next thrown ball will come from.

Humans are really funny creatures. Though few of us are mind readers and really know what goes on in the head of another or how they really feel, actions as they say, sometimes speak louder than words. Though who's to know if the words, if spoken, are the truth anyway. "I'm fine", she might say, "no really there's nothing wrong" and then she immediately begins to cry, leading the listener to believe that in fact she is not actually fine. No mind reading necessary in order to be able to figure that one out.
 It is so very easy though to keep our real feelings hidden. If we want it is possible to silently suffer or rejoice or simply feel and keep that all to ourselves. And if a little peek of the truth squeezes out to the fore, it's easy to lie and then no one will ever know what's truly going on inside. Physical manifestations like obvious embarrassment or lack of engagement sometimes make it hard to mask true feelings and spontaneous reactions to situations can give away too much sometimes too. In these cases the only thing that saves the situation is the hope that perhaps actions do not actually speak louder than words if the words form a really well complied and convincing lie.
Humans are also really smart creaures though and possess an instinctual sense for when things are as they are. The tiniest things stand out sometimes and act as subtle, yet definite hints that there are feelings being hidden or real emotions being fobbed off as irrelevant. Perhaps it is fear that creates that unwillingness to be true to how we feel and openly accept it and express it. Fear of so many things, of being ridiculed, of being hurt....
Dogs on the other hand never bother to hide feelings or maybe have no ability to anyway but perhaps they're alot better off for it. If they're excited, scared, uneasy, angry, ashamed, they show it in their simple way. There's no worrying about whether their human will think they're silly or not, they just go with nature and accept the consequences that come along. An owners love or affection for their dog will not decrease simply because they fall in love with a particular toy or growl at someone they don't like the look of.
Perhaps it's a lesson we should take from those beautiful canines. We're all human and all experience the same emotions. Just like dogs, we will have particular things that excite us and particular people who affect us in different ways whether it be with great dislike or anger or great love. There's very little we can do to change the effect a sunset or music or works of art or waves or another human has on us and though we may try to mask the feelings, perhaps there's not any way we can really hide the truth. Maybe it's better to let our human tails wag or do the equivalent of licking or baring our teeth. Odds are, there's nothing to fear at all.* 

Raindrops on roses..

Today like any day had the potential to be wonderful. I woke to rain, but rain stops and the sun comes out and the world dries. And rain in itself is not necessarily a precursor to a bad day. It's funny though how the littlest things can be the trigger to turn that potentially wonderful day into as extreme an opposite as possible.

The feeling of disappointment has to be one of the most day-turning-round emotions. When the humankind that you're part of and try so positively to see the good in disappoint you, it's one of the saddest things. I suppose we all have expectations of how we would like others to treat us. I find myself wondering so often about people's behaviour- being baffled by their actions and lack of actions simply because it is absolutely not how I would think or behave. When they fail to meet my expectations, I tend to take it personally and feel so incredibly let down and then stupid for expecting more of them when really I had no right to expect in the first place. My own way of thinking is highly flawed however in that I force myself to pretend that everything is ok and I'm not affected by what's happening around me instead of just being honest and dealing with things as they come to pass. I'm only human and so is everyone else.

Some people see things through rose tinted lenses and some see them through raindrops on a window. Bottom line is love thyself and take care of thineself first. Let the rest of them look after themselves*

Set free!!

My neighbours got a new puppy. A third dog to keep in their tiny paved backyard with the garden shed and the single kennel. This little one seems to be a husky type- brown and white with blue eyes and gorgeously pointy and alert ears. I only knew he was there because he cried constantly for 24 hours. Not being able to spy the victim from my window, I had to climb up on a chair outside and peer over the wall to see which poor creature was so sad. Ì'm sure there's some love somewhere next door but keeping three dogs confined in one little yard I would not consider to be an ideal situation. I'd even go so far as saying it's cruel. Every creature needs space and freedom. The crying has stopped though and the other two labradors don't say a word so maybe there actually is some doggie happiness there.
The crying has been replaced by birds chirping and flies buzzing and distant children laughing and squealing and the general happy buzz that the sunshine seems to bring with it. Sunglasses and skin out for the world to see and a general contentment seems to descend where before what could be described as a certain bleakness prevailed. This morning we walked through Limerick and there was a stillness and in fact a beauty that I'd never quite noticed before. It was so much easier today to overlook the way in which a man walking his two dogs by the river didn't bother to remove his dog's business from the middle of the boardwalk. And I simply pushed the cigarette butts out of the way in my back yard so that I could enjoy the sun instead of refusing to go out there because of how disgusting it is.
I`certainly don't think summer is quite on its way yet but spring is here in all its glory- cherry blossoms and 99s and smiling people.
 Sometimes, there are things we hang onto, either unintentionally or intentionally. There comes a time though when you have to let go because it's healthier and because it expresses far more love to set free rather than cling on with a grip which, however loose, causes confinement. The way of the world can be cruel, but also so incredibly wonderful. The beautiful days and the laughter will never cease to exist and though we can't control so much, it is always a certainty that they will return.
Sunshine opens up the world and allows for a freedom that bad weather denies.The little dog isn't crying anymore and the birds and butterflies and free spirtis have the entire sunny world at their exposure.  That's exactly that way it should be and we are so privileged when they choose of their own accord to interact in our lives for even just a lil minute.
Makes life beautiful*

Nothing like a nice noise.

Beautiful Lehinch beach at dusk, 4th February, 2012.

As an artist, I have a tendency to be most aware of the world in a visual sense. I am naturally drawn to seeking out the aesthetically pleasing. The visual world is primarily what my own work becomes part of and so there is a constant instinctive urge to acknowledge what is already there and fathom where my pieces fit in. I naturally appreciate the beautiful and can spot it in the most unlikely places; equally what is not pleasing to the eye is extremely obvious.
Working with clay as my medium, there is also a focus on the sense of touch and so perhaps more than others, I often struggle with an incredibly strong urge to touch things. This generally happens when an item is extreme in the sense that it looks especially soft or smooth or particularly delicately engraved or embellished. My body seems to sense the capacity for extra satisfaction to be gained beyond the visual; an urge for a tactile engagement.
In Budapest I visited the Margaret Kovac museum. This contained a collection from the life works of the ceramic artist after whom the museum was named. One room within museum, to my surprise and delight was dedicated to the visually impaired and contained incredibly accurate reproductions of some of Margaret's figurative pieces. These pieces were meant to be touched. They invited the visitor to place their hands on the cold ceramic surfaces and experience textures and details and the very forms which she had modelled with her own hands. For me, this tactile interaction put her work on a whole new level. It gave me an extra dimension of engagement, a deeper connection and so, a greater appreciation for the pieces. On a personal level, it also left we with a lovely sense of satisfaction upon leaving, a sensual satisfaction.
Lately though for whatever reason, it has been my sense of hearing which I have been most aware of. Last Saturday, at that brief transitional time when light diminishes and darkness begins to conquest, where for a few minutes day and night seem to equally exist simultaneously, I walked on the beach. There was enough light left to illuminate the sea and the horizon and allow them to glow, all be it dimly, with a perfect combination of blues and purples and whites and pinks, while the sky inland revealed a hazy moon and the first twinkling stars. Though completely delighted by the visual exquisiteness, it was however the sound that struck me most. The stillness of the sky, bathed in beauty was perfectly complimented by the noise of the sea, the waves ebbing and flowing, not in any way angry, but with their natural power; a strong, rhythmical, solid sound, so very beautiful and somehow so comforting. It was the kind of sound that made me close my eyes, breathe deeply and allow for a tranquil contentment to occupy my whole self.
Yesterday, I sprinted through the carpark and down the slope, in the wind and lashing rain, feverently trying to keep my hood on my head and my bag from being soaked. I punched the code on the wall, pulled the door with far more effort than necessary and incredibly gratefully landed myself in the dryness of the kiln room in college. As I took down my hood and tried to physically compose myself, and catch my breath, I was suddenly aware, not of the warmth and brightness, but the beautiful clam into which I had just entered. Jason's radio, permanently set to Lyric FM, was emitting the most lovely piece of classical music. It seemed to reach every dusty surface and crevice of every kiln and every shelf and create a haven where chaos and stress could never exist.
It wasn't that I was never aware of sound or music before and how they create atmosheres but it seems that lately I have been simply touched particularly by my aural sense in a way that I usually reserve for the visual. I can't wait for the next poignant sounds to reach my ears*

Sometimes you win competitions, sometimes your handbag gets stolen.

You set your alarm in the morning to play a tune or make a noise that is guaranteed to wake you. You force yourself out of bed and into the daytime world to perform whatever tasks you've planned or are required of you and then at the end of the day, you sink back into the oblivion of sleep. Sometimes there are blissful breaks in the pattern where awakening is not determined by a dreaded alarm sound. The mornings where we don't need to be in a certain place at a certain time are the incredibly desirable ones where getting out of bed is simply whenever we feel like it. Sadly these are the ones though when someone will call to the door or the neighbours will decide to play blaring rave music at 10am.

In a fleeting way, a certain question has crossed my mind more than once lately- that being, how much control do we really have over our own lives? It's one of those considerations that could very easily become an obsession and so I'm choosing to only skim the surface. Things happen in life and people will inevitably respond with phrases like 'Oh, it wasn't meant to be', and 'everything happens for a reason' and 'what's for you won't pass you'.

Ambition and the drive to work towards goals are such attractive qualities for me in a person. The desire to become and achieve and gain and make the most of life is a wonderful one. Hard work and awareness and dedication give us the best chance possible of fulfilling those dreams. However, the fact remains that one never knows what's around the corner, whether as a direct resut of our own actions or completely randomly. On one hand, we create our own fates; we have free will and the choice to follow whichever direction we choose in life, rightly or wrongly. On the other, circumstances and the unpredictibility of life get in the way more often than not. Sometimes, they pose simply as obstacles to be overcome, things to prove that life never runs smoothly. Learning from experience and becoming stronger obviously adds to us as people and so we can sometimes look back at those annoying and unexpected obstacles and see the good in them. Some other times however, for whatever reason, life comes up with solid brick walls that are unbreakable and so the course of our plans and dreams has to radically change and these ambitions may never be realised. No more than the cow is in charge of her own fate, we can't control many things in our lives like the onset of some illnesses or how people feel about us or actions other people make. We simply have to do our utmost to live every moment to the full and srtive to make the most of life and to love as much as possible with hope firmly rooted inside us.

When the irritating, dreaded noise of the alarm goes off in the mornings, there is a long and wonderful day of possibilities ahead, some planned and some surprises. Bedtime will come round soon enough again and we will be no closer to answering the question on how much control we have over our own lives but the good comes with the bad, and the unknown, though a little bit scary, can be a really exciting prospect. We may not be fully in control but we're in a far better position than the cows in the fields. Make the most of it*

Dare to reach out your hand into the darkness, to pull another hand into the light. ~Norman B. Rice

Light has a special ability to permeate sadness, anger, frustration, grief, jealousy and even to interrupt episodes of all encompassing happiness. Turning darkness in its emptiness, where colours and images only exist within the mind, to physical, sensual brightness, results in a shift of consciousness. Within light, no matter how bright or dim, the world which is touched is set apart. It is emphasised for us, highlighted; singing an exquisite, enchanting melody which captivates us and makes us take notice. It's duration of engagement may be as tiny as a fleeting moment and may not even be remembered but light has the potential to be impressive.

Candles in their plain simplicity- little lumps of wax and a piece of twisted fibre, when touched with fire become instruments which host light and disperse it as far as it can reach, dancing and flickering on the pieces of the world it affects.

Light makes me smile. Bringing people to dance in the light with me for even a second makes me smile. People who bring me to dance there and who offer happy, open invitationsto those around them to play there make me smile.

A tiny, lit candle and a washed out jar; light in all its splendour*

Beauty is pretty obvious.

I was working once with a group of children which included a  little boy with Down's Syndrome. He needed special attention and assistance and so my assistant for the class had become his very own assistant; and he loved her. My young, male colleague, after class one day as we were chatting, leaned against the wall and nodded in the direction of the pretty, blonde, teenage assistant who was doing some sweeping at the other end of the hall.  "Did you see the way that little boy adored her, and couldn't stop gazing up at her?" he asked me. "Life is so easy when you're pretty." The second comment said with the slightest hint of resentfulness. The guy himself was not by any means unattractive but clearly had self-image issues and regretted the fact that he himself was not in that 'pretty' category that would make his life so easy.
 He was right in that the girl was very attractive and the little boy obviously thought her very pleasant to look at and probably also because of her naturally good way with him, he warmed to her in his own little way. It is true that there are people who are just so physically striking, that not staring and refraining from desperately wanting to take in every detail can be very difficult and even embarrassing when you make eye contact a little too much! I don't know though how easy good looks make one's life. I can only imagine that very beautiful people are inflicted by alot of unwanted attention, ontop of the desirable amount that anyone would be pleased with.
Apparently 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder' and as illustrated by this case, so the idea of an easy life is also in the mind of the beholder. I'm not sure what my colleague felt classified an easy life.. not having to fight for attention? Being loved by everybody simply because of the way you look? And there are many frogs out there who are not 'pretty' but who are very well loved and I'm sure have relatively easy lives. These frogs even turn out to be somebody's Prince Charmings in the end.
Very beautiful people are obviously so. Their physical features make them stand out and everyone enjoys looking at that which is pretty. Sometimes though, this beauty, is the beauty which is too obvious. There's something far more pleasing in the discovery of 'pretty' in a place you never expected it*

If you don't kiss the frogs, you'll never know if they were your Happy Ever After or not!

Think a happy thought.

Belle only gets knots in her ears.

Notorious for overthinking and working myself into frequent unnecessary knots, my sister gave me a book for Christmas: 'Stop thinking, start living' by Richard Carlson. In her inscription on the inside cover, she told me not to be offended. Actually on the contrary, I thought it was a perfectly appropriate present and couldn't wait to discover this new philosophy that was going to allow me to make pretty bows in my head rather than tangled, impossible knots. The very simple foundation for the magic is based on the fact that our thoughts control our emotions. It is only when we think about and focus on negative things in our lives that negative emotions emerge. Every life is full of problems, but the person who dwells on them and overtalks them through will never have a clear enough mind to be easily able to come to a resolution for them. The most superb gem of wisdom, though really very obvious when pointed out, is that we have complete control over our thoughts. When thoughts pop into our heads that arouse frustration or sadness or annoyance we can just as easily pop their little bubble and choose not to think about them.
I'm summarising very simply and briefly but it's probably the most sensible book I've come across in the 'Make your life wonderful' genre. I've noticed such a change in my little head, simply from the realisation that I don't have to allow myself to be controlled by my thoughts. I can choose what I want to think about and very pleasantly feel empowered to be able to live in the moment and not constantly focusing on tomorrow or a year ago. There's been no miracle and life's problems still exist but not allowing my thoughts to complicate, means I can wade through them instead of getting hopelessly stuck in the middle. I have a choice to be happy or the opposite of it. Thanks to my little sister I'm determined to make thinking less my new year's resolution. I'm pretty sure my family and friends and certainly I, will appreciate even a 50% reduction in tangles inside Karen. Better to catch the thread before knots snarl and while bows are still possible*

"All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.”
Hindu Prince Gautama Siddharta, the founder of Buddhism, 563-483 B.C.

Where the fairies live.

This is where the fairies live, in the shade of the tallest, furriest tree in the forest.

I live in a country that for years has been greedy and extravagant and consequently now, where many people struggle to pay bills and financially survive on a day to day basis. Our governments have tried and still try to fix the problems with the good of the country in mind but the task is gargantuan. Time and patience and perhaps everything will right itself again.

I personally don’t have a job, I survive by the skin of my teeth on money I earn during the summer and bits and pieces I pick up during the year. I’m a full time student, with fees to pay, a car to run, rent, food and living costs, but this is my choice. I gave up a life of financial comfort to follow my heart and dedicate my time and myself to becoming an artist. However risky a decision it was and however difficult things are, it was my choice and I’m so glad I made it. Others don’t have a choice.

Hungary spent most of its history being ruled by people and bodies who didn’t have the good of the country in mind. Communism and Soviet rule told the people how to live their lives; no freedom, no choice. Hungary gained freedom in 1989 and became a republic, allowed to create finally, their own government, a government who would grant them their own lives, as free, Hungarian people.

On 2^nd January, just 2 days ago, 30 000 people rallied in Budapest against changes to the constitution brought in by their prime minister, Viktor Orban. The terrifying  notion hovers grimly in the air that this government and its most powerful leader does not have the best interests of the country and freedom for the Hungarian people at heart. ‘His democratic and economic credentials are increasingly in question’ according to BBC news. The threat of history repeating itself is real and horrifying.

 My heart cries for the country that gave me almost 4 months of freedom to find myself and the freedom to create and live and love as I chose. I, in my own world can do no more to help than the fairies that live under the toadstool in the shade of the giant tree, only hope that the strength of the Hungarian people will prevail and love will come out on top.